Top 11 things to try if you are a member of the White House Press Corps. not secretly invited to travel with Dubya for a Thanksgiving photo-op in Iraq:

11. Accept pay cut, sign with Fox News.

10. Stop trying to put White House press releases "in your own words."

9. Give Scott McClellan his own "Daily Briefing."

8. Three steps: Find Candy Crowley, push her aside, place lips on whomever's ass she was kissing.

7. Let's just say, "it would be really sad if Helen Thomas were to trip on the way to her seat in the front row of the briefing room."

6. Take a hint from the Chinese approach to Neil Bush.

5. Start a pharmaceutical company on the side.

4. Identify yourself for cameras by your POTUS-given nickname, rather than real name and news organization.

3. Include answers when submitting your questions in advance of a press conference.

2. Got coke?

1. Give up on "earning access" and try objective reporting.

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