Top 12 telling parallels between Ozzy Osbourne and George W. Bush.

11. Both fully aware that their underage daughters use fake I.D.s to go to bars, do nothing.

10. Ozzy: falls out of chair while trying to work TV remote, Dubya: falls out of chair while choking on a pretzel.

9. Ozzy: subliminal messages on albums, Dubya: "sublimable" messages in campaign ads.

8. Ozzy: Yells at wife Sharon, but does whatever Sharon tells him, Bush: yelled at by Prime Minister Sharon, does whatever he tells him.

7. Ozzy: bit heads off doves at record company office, Bush: bites heads off "Doves" in Oval Office.

8. Ozzy: left Black Sabbath while on 18-month concert tour, Bush: quit Texas Air National Guard with 18-months left in his tour of duty.

7. The cocaine thing.

6. Ozzy: bit head off bat thrown on stage, Bush: stuffed M-80s in frogs mouths, then threw them in the air to blow their heads off (more sanitary).

5. Ozzy classics: "Don't Blame Me", "Denial", "War Pigs", "Demon Alcohol", Secret Loser", " Thank God For the Bomb," Bush: 'nuff said.

4. Neither speaks English.

3. Ozzy: spends half of his time in the United States, half on his estate in England, Bush: spends half of his time in the United States, half on ranch in Texas.

2. Ozzy: will cost MTV $20 million dollars for next two seasons, Bush: will increase deficit by trillions if re-elected.

1. Ozzy: beneficiary of absurd levels of corporate media hype, marketing, Bush: Ditto.

Index