Top 11 signs Ralph Nader is distancing himself from the Bush campaign. - 08/09/04

11. Nader ads no longer close with the disclaimer, "I'm George W. Bush, and I approved this mesh-shage."

10. Criticized Bush-benefactors for being too stingy in their efforts to get him on the ballot in swing states (but politely).

9. Removed Bush/Cheney stickers from fleet of anonymously donated campaign Hum-Vees.

8. Refused millions in PR-firm-laundered campaign contributions from Taiwanese slush fund.

7. Vows to remove names of demonstrably deceased signatories of ballot petitions collected for him by the GOP... unless he really needs them.

6. Homeless signature-collectors to be paid in untraceable coins.

5. Nader ballot petitions collected in front of Walmart stores may no longer be printed on White House letterhead... unless it's easier that way.

4. Stopped issuing terrorist alerts every time Kerry gets some positive press.

3. Finally sold his stock in Halliburton, Occidental Petroleum, Raytheon, and Bristol-Myers Squibb, albeit at a tidy profit.

2. Unequivocally denounced Swift-Vet attack-ad.

1. Bush loyalty oath no longer required of Nader rally attendees.

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