Top 12 surprises in Dubya' s economic stimulus package (two are real).

12. The value of clothing worn during a televised "perp-walk" to be viewed as a deductible business expense (would save Dubya up to $14,000 for each suit worn - yes, he has $14,000 suits!).

11. Undocumented, alien domestics may be listed as dependents.

10. Contributions to the Republican Party, like other religious contributions, to be made tax deductible.

9. Oil Depletion Allowance: If you buy an SUV or other status-affirming vehicle over 6000 pounds, you'll get more than half your money back as a tax credit.

8. Repeal of the tax on dividends "because it taxes the same income twice!" It's like regular Americans being asked to pay an income tax and a sales tax!

7. Free Speech Revenue Enhancement - to remind the networks on which side their bread is buttered.

6. Subterranean Bunker Allowance (no receipts necessary, as they might compromise security).

5. "Luxury Taxes" to be called "Taxes on Success" to pave way to repeal in the way that the "Inheritance Tax" became the "Death Tax."

4. Using pollution control as model, corporate "alternative minimum tax" to be replaced by "voluntary revenue standards."

3. Chauffeur driven vehicle qualifies for carpool lane, "Chauffeur Deduction" will reduce CEO DUIs.

2. Wall Street Journal "Lucky Duck" surcharge on low-wage-earners who do not qualify for income tax.

1. Travel expenses related to secret meetings with Dick Cheney to establish energy policy ... deductible, just don't say you were there.

Index