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Top 11 reasons the allegation that John Bolton forced his wife to participate in group-sex demonstrates that he is our best choice for UN ambassador. 11. Forcefully leveraged relationship to fulfill self-interested policy. 10. He loves everyone he meets. 9. He's open-minded to new positions. 8. Understands the role of women in fundamentalist regimes. 7. Equipped with 'flavor-saver' moustache to recall all with whom he has met. 6. His advocacy of the administration's abstinence-only approach to population growth, HIV/AIDS is a joke that translates well. 5. He's happy to act unilaterally when he sees everyone else is screwing each other. 4. He's a multi-lateral rather than bi-lateral thinker. 3. Offers cheerful, nostalgic defense of naked pyramids at Abu Ghraib. 2. Bush's second choice is Neil Horsley, his third choice is Dr. David Hagar, his fourth choice is Jeff Gannon, etc. 1. Bush wants someone who will put the "ass" in "ambassador."
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