Top 11 reasons that you haven't heard about Senator Kerry saving the life of GOP Senator Chic Hecht.

Top 11 network reasons that you haven't heard about Senator Kerry saving the life of GOP Senator Chic Hecht in 1988. - 08/11/04

11. The GOP says that Kerry didn't accomplish anything in the Senate, so according to the networks, it didn't happen.

10. It occurred before Dubya stopped drinking, so it's not fair to give it any play.

9. Kerry used the German sounding "Heimlich Maneuver." If the method had a French name we could talk about it.

8. Trying to find a photograph of the event to embarrass Kerry.

7. Presidential race must be kept close to maximize political advertising revenue.

6. Kerry only saves people's lives to pad his Presidential résumé (P.S. résumé is a French word).

5. Trying to give the Swift Vets-thing as much free media as possible before airing another story about Kerry saving some guy's life.

4. Science Advisor Laura Bush says the Heimlich Maneuver is even more overrated than the potential of stem cell research.

3. We can make fun of him saving the life of a hamster.

2. Presidential race must be perceived as being close to protect the plausibility of black box voting results.

1. It would have been more Presidential to wait seven minutes until someone told him what to do.